It’s okay to focus on yourself

I have already written several posts about how difficult junior year has been. It has challenged me socially, emotionally, academically, and professionally. I have not talked a lot about the backstory behind all of this. I still really won’t but will provide more context about who I am. I have learned more about myself than ever before. I realize just how strong and how capable I am.

For the emotional aspect, I am finally learning how to put myself first. Throughout my life, I always cared so much about what other people thought about me. I always valued their opinion more than my own. I was afraid that I would be looked down upon or judged for my actions. However, now I have a different mindset. I am 2000 miles away from my family and friends. The whole point is that I could receive a better education to have a chance at a more successful future. I know much how hard my parents worked to help get me here. I am so fortunate. The whole point of college is to discover who I am and build a professional foundation.

I don’t want anything in college to distract me from my goal. I made the mistake of falling head over heels in love with a guy during my sophomore year. Even though my grades were better than ever during that semester, I was emotionally distracted. He influenced my actions and lifestyle. I lost a part of who I was. I changed myself to accommodate him in my life. Rediscovering myself again is the hardest thing I have ever done. Three months later, I am still unclear who I am. I realized that I can never be the girl I was before. I am someone new now with new values and priorities. I know better than to lose myself again. My closest friends have witnessed the change I have undergone. They are my rock (you know who you are). Some days are definitely better than others.

I have had to use several different coping methods such as binge-watching TV shows, retail therapy, reading, and writing. Motivational quotes on instagram and Pinterest definitely help as well. The most useful method I have discovered is hanging out with other people. Every weekend during junior year, I have made plans just so I don’t have to experience the feeling of being alone. There is an important difference between being lonely and being alone. I don’t feel lonely because I have a huge support group of friends and family who make me laugh and smile every day.

However, when I am alone, I sometimes lose myself again. It is hard for me because that is when I start to overthink. I am so grateful that I have a wonderful support group with people all around the world who take the time to listen to me and help me through problems.

I realized that over the past few months that no matter what the only person that can help you is you. I thought that I could just throw myself into work and school. I discovered that I cannot run away from the problems forever. Eventually, I have to come to terms with the changes in my life. I have to know what I want first before I let someone else back into my life again. I have to emotionally stable and comfortable enough with myself. I don’t want that person to have all the power to change my life again.

I learned a ton from my first relationship. The most critical lesson is that I have to learn how to focus on myself. I hope you can take this lesson and apply it to your life in different settings.

2 thoughts on “It’s okay to focus on yourself

  1. My motto is long as what I do doesn’t compromise my morals and values, I’m going to make decisions at the end of the day that makes me happy, especially since I’m the one that got to live with them. Plus, no matter what you decide to do, someone will have an issue with it anyhow…

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